Oh, honey, you look so beautiful.
Okay. So you go wait out in the car and Daddy will be right out.
- Bye, Mommy. - Bye, sweetie, oh.
Ray, what are you doing?
Why can't you take her to this thing?
Because...
it's a father-daughter dance.
Why don't they have a father-daughter poker night at the race track?
And you know what I would love?
Ask one of the other fathers to film you two dancing.
Fast and slow.
And stay the full two hours!
Have a good time.
There better be booze at this thing.
Watch me, Daddy!
Hey, that's good. Where did you learn that?
I don't know.
What are you, like 21, 22 now?
I'm nine.
Oh, right. Nine.
Yeah.
Hello, Raymond. Want to make a baby?
Oh, really, Ray? Again?
Uh-huh.
Deb, Deb, just wait a minute.
What?
We've been having sex every day for the last three months.
I'm starting to feel like a piece of meat.
Okay.
Boy, you really want a kid, huh?
- What do you mean? Don't you? - Yeah, you know...
- Huh? - I don't know.
Well... what? I mean, wasn't this the plan?
We've been trying for three months. Aren't you the one
that said you wanted a little Ray or... Raymona?
Yeah.
Yeah... I don't know.
What are you saying?
You don't want to have kids?
Does it have to be right this second?
I can't believe you're telling me this now!
You just don't want responsibility!
That's what this is about. You're a baby!
Yes, and you know what they say about babies having babies...
- it's a crisis. - Oh, you...
My God! This is all I've thought about for... for a year.
Well, maybe you should develop
some other interests.
Look, wait, stop! All I'm saying is
you shouldn't get so nutty about being pregnant.
Well, why the hell not?!
Well, first of all, the language... not really for children.
Just let it happen, okay? If it happens, then it happens.
No no, you have to keep at it!
There's only so many days per month!
I'm just saying we shouldn't get our hopes up, okay?
In case...
you know!
Whatever.
Ray... you do know
that three months of trying isn't that long, right?
Don't look at me, I don't even want to talk about it.
Oh, sweetie.
It's normal. Really.
I don't know.
- I got this feeling. - Yeah? A feeling?
Three months. We should have had a kid already.
No, listen. Ray, I'm telling you.
Look, my father said some stuff, okay?
Us Barones, we're supposed to be really "vireal."
I mean, I should have...
I should have been able to impregnate you by now.
- Your dad said that? - He said knock you up, but yeah.
Ray, look, honey,
my gynecologist said that it might take several months...
to knock me up.
Oh, honey, you have nothing to worry about.
We have nothing to worry about.
I guess if it's a girl, it doesn't have to be Raymona.
I also like Alexandra.
Ally.
Yeah, I like that.
My father's an idiot.
Yeah yeah, I could use less of a Frank image right now.
Oh, hi, Marie.
- Hi, dear, hi. - Hi.
Come on in. Ray's not even home yet. Frank and Robert still parking?
Frank's looking for a broken meter.
If Robert wasn't with him, he'd break one himself.
I made you some appetizers for tonight. I hope you don't mind, dear.
Oh, please. Any time you want to come over with food,
you're more than welcome.
- So how have you been? - Good, and you?
Good.
You're pregnant.
- No, I'm not. - Yes, you are!
Yes, I am.
- Oh, I am so happy for you! - So am I!
- When did you find out? - Today.
I haven't even told Ray yet.
- You haven't? - No!
- How exciting! - Yes.
Oh, you're going to make such a good mother.
Oh, you're going to be such a good grandmother.
I know.
- Hey. - Hey.
So you found a parking space, Frank?
I hate all these damn fire hydrants!
I'm glad dogs pee on them!
Sorry about that, Frank.
Yeah, damn fire hydrants.
- So how you doing, Robert? - Actually, I'm doing good.
- I met a girl. - Oh, really?
- Yeah. - What's her name?
Joanne. Oh, she's great.
We've only been out one time, but I think that this...
Debra's pregnant!
It's true! It's true! I just found out!
Oh.
Now I feel bad going on about not being able to park.
- "Uncle Robert." No no no. - Yeah.
"Uncle Bobby," yes. "Hey, Uncle Bobby, what's up?"
"Nothing much, kid."
Okay, so listen.
Ray doesn't know yet, so when he gets home, you have to let me tell...
Raymond! My beautiful boy!
Hey.
- So how was work? - Oh God, my editor's such an idiot.
Okay, so you had a bad day. But how about everybody else?
I mean, your father's fine, I'm fine and Robert's the same as always.
But... how...
how was your day, Debra, huh?
Yeah, it was okay, Marie.
- You okay, Ma? - Yes.
But the question is how is Debra?
- What's going on? - Nothing. What?
You know what, Marie? Why don't you go break out your appetizers?
Yeah, Ma, go get those.
Okay, but nobody talk till I get back, all right?
In fact, you know what's a fun game to play?
"Silent Indian," the no-talking game. Play that.
Hey, what? What are you doing?
What? Debra, what? What the hell?
Ray, our first few years together have been a joy to me.
Hey, what are you two doing out here? Wait a minute!
And I think of our life together as a journey.
Hey!
Don't you want your appetizers?
A great journey, and along this path...
we would...
No, Ma, stop!
Along this path, we would share many joyful moments together.
Moments that we will remember al...
oh, okay!
- I'm pregnant! - What?
Pregnant! Debra's pregnant!
Debra, dear, I made you some pasta.
Oh, no thanks. I'm not hungry, Marie.
Hit me, I'm open.
But your baby's just three weeks away, you need your strength.
I know, but the doctor said I shouldn't be eating anything heavy.
So you're just going to do everything the doctor says?
When I was with child, I ate three healthy meals a day,
and look how my boys turned out.
Stop eating immediately.
Oh, I thought some motherly wisdom would be appreciated,
- but I guess I'm not worth it. - Okay, I'll eat it.
- Thank you, thank you. - No trouble, dear.
I'm going to make you some tea. Pregnant women love tea.
Come out!
Oh.
No no, I got it.
Huh? What was that? What?
Nothing. I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Okay, hurry back, Mommy-cakes.
Hey, okay!
I got some big news and I wanted to tell you guys first.
All right.
I've been dating Joanne for about six months now,
and I think that I just might have found my Debra.
So after careful deliberation, I have decided that I'm going to ask her...
- My water just broke. - What?!
Holy crap!
What? Are you sure?
Very very very much so.
No no. The books says this stuff ain't supposed to happen for three weeks.
Oh, really? Let me see that. My water just broke, Ray!
I thought the pains in my back were from your mother,
but apparently they're contr... ah!
Contrah! You're having contrah?!
Contractions! Definitely contractions!
Are you sure?
Yeah, okay, definitely. Yeah, definitely.
Well, what do you do?!
Don't you have to go away from here?
Oh no! I don't have a route mapped out to the hospital from here.
Shh, be quiet! I don't want Marie to know!
- Let's just get out of here. - What?
Whoa whoa whoa. You're not going to tell my mother?
After we're in the hospital and well under way, then you can tell her.
- What's well under way? - Kindergarten.
I don't want her in my delivery room!
Maybe she could just bring cookies?
I am going to bite your nose right off.
Maybe you give us a head start, okay?
Come on, easy easy easy.
Ooh, what's going on?
Nothing!
Ray and I were just thinking of taking a little walk.
Right, Ray? Just a walk around the block.
Mm-hmm.
Robert, you want to come with us?
I don't know, do I?
I just thought that since you're a cop, maybe we could walk a littler faster,
like, right through the red lights.
Since you're a cop.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Oh, wait, wait. Let me get my jacket.
No no no.
Ma...
you should, uh...
I don't know. Why don't you just stay?
Well, why would I do that?
Because... because...
oh hi, honey. Yeah.
Uh... Mom...
M-M-Marie.
- You should stay here. - Why, Frank?
'Cause...
then you and I could have some...
alone time.
Really?
Okay.
Well, I guess we'll see you kids in a while.
- Okay. - Okay, all right.
I hope everyone remembers this moment
when it's time to name the baby!
Ooh, boy.
Wait a minute, which way are you going?!
This is the L.I.E! I said to take the bridge!
Look, I know what I'm doing. I...
Uh-oh.
What "uh-oh"? Why "uh-oh"?
Well, there seems to be a little traffic.
Traffic! Traffic!
- Bridge! I said the bridge! - All right, then!
- There must be an accident up ahead! - Oh my God!
Well go around them! Put your siren on!
There's no room to move! A siren would just annoy people!
Maybe the bridge would have been faster.
Would have been faster to put a stamp on her butt and mail her.
- Oh my God! - What what what?
- What? - Oh!
The baby is coming right now! Oh my God!
- Keep your legs together! - Oh my God!
Oh, this is it! This is it!
Dispatch, this is Officer Barone!
I'm on the L.I.E! I've got a woman in labor!
I need an ambulance on the Woodhaven exit, over!
What are you doing? Where are you going?
What are you doing?
- If need be, I'm delivering this baby! - You're not a doctor!
I've had training in emergency child delivery!
No no no! I don't care! I don't care!
You don't talk anymore! Move over! Come in here!
Robert!
Holy Moses.
- What are you looking at?! - I'm waiting for the baby, Raymond!
Your eyes got to be so open?
I'm going to need something to wrap the baby in.
- Give me your shirt. - What? No no no no.
Punch him and take the shirt, Robert!
All right, all right! Man, this is not right!
This is against God!
Thou shalt not look at thy brother's wife there!
- That's not a commandment! - It didn't have to be!
It's so bad, God just figured that it was understood!
- Oh, Ray? Ray? - What?
- Where is my relaxation music? - I don't have the tape, honey.
- I need my music. - I don't have the tape...
I've got to have my music!
You're looking too much.
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop bothering him! He's delivering our child!
All right! Well, deliver already! Start delivering!
Well actually, Debra, you-you're not... set to pop.
- What do you mean? - Well, I don't think
I'm seeing what I'm supposed to be seeing.
What do you mean? You're seeing everything!
What else are you supposed to see?!
A head!
Oh. Maybe it's not hurting so much anymore.
Well, you stop looking then, stop looking!
I think I'll go back up there and wait for the traffic to start moving.
In case the traffic starts moving.
Sorry, everybody.
You did great, honey, just great.
Thanks.
Here you go, Ray. Here's your little girl.
Oh, look at her, Ray.
Hi, Ally.
Excuse me, we can't hold your mother back any longer.
She just turned over a gurney.
Okay, let them in.
We should keep the baby between us and her like a shield.
- Hey. - Oh!
- Look at her. - Oh boy, oh boy.
- Here she is. - There she is!
The fountain of youth.
I'm sucking in that youth.
- Oh, man, is that great stuff? - Yeah.
Ma, you want to see the baby?
I see her.
Very nice.
Marie, I want you to hold her.
No no, it's fine.
I know my place.
Give her to me.
Oh! Oh, Ally,
sweet baby.
Grandma's sweetie.
Okay, we're going to need a little privacy now.
It's time for our first breast-feeding lesson.
Oh.
- Okay, guys. - Oh, Ally.
- We'll see Grandma soon. - I'll come back, yes.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Bye. - See you guys downstairs.
- Do I have to go? 'Cause I already... - You've seen enough!
Do you want to go home now?
No no, we can stay.
Want to dance with me?
That's okay. You don't like the slow songs.
No, I want to.
It's going fast enough.